Circe by Emile Levy
I know from experience, being in a committed lifestyle D/s relationship myself, that BDSM partnerships have the possibility of being deeply fulfilling. They also can go badly wrong when people confuse “abuse” with “Dominance”, or forget to communicate. Also, when a Dominant or Sadist doesn’t have the correct skills required for certain activities, or a sub doesn't know or want to communicate his/her preference, hard and soft limits, a session can turn into a nightmare that could have been avoided with the appropriate training, researches.
Honest communication on both parts is the cornerstone of consensual relationships, they can’t exist without this essential ingredient. It follows that this model transpires more readily in all areas of life than in a lot of vanilla partnerships. Plus it is fun and sexy to get involved together in learning more about what turns us on.
In this article, I give an account of some of the ways I work with couples. This is not exhaustive; as we all know that there are as many avenues to expressing our sexuality as there are people.
It takes a lot of courage both from a Dominant and a submissive to vow to be authentic and explore with openness what might turn each of us on, this creates a deeper sense of connection and love.
1/ The young Mistress and her sub
BDSM mentoring, coaching and teaching
She looks lovely in her leather skirt and her lace shirt revealing a gorgeous brassiere. She wears flat buckled black suede shoes. She is both confident and inquisitive, playful and bossy. She allows her puppy/slave to kiss her hands whilst wiggling his tail. Slave, exhausted after the session is very, very eager to oblige his cherished Mistress and wife... It is a lovely scene to behold.
During the coaching /Thinking phase which happened previous to the session, Alia* and I, explored her style, her persona, and areas of uncertainty. Her slave wasn't present during this "Thinking Time".
Alia is fairly new to this world: she has just finished the Dominatrix Seven Realm Arts™ certificate course with authoress and sex Educator Anne O Nommis*. Now she wants to get a broader experience by trying activities that she feels both, her husband and her will enjoy. We discuss the particular of the two techniques that we will work on this evening and review the plan of the session; We will integrate these "new" forms of play into the ensuing 1h30' 2.2.1 session that I have sketched in advance of their appointment. In this way, they will both benefit from the session: she can practice her favourite games and discover new "vocabulary" under guidance. He will be able to bask in glorious "sub-space" being dominated by two Women. She will also pick up things that she might use at a later stage on her own by shadowing me.
2/ rose and her new Master: A celebration of love
BDSM Couple session
Her voice is warm and vibrant; I haven't seen her in one year, rose explains that she has found a new Master and she has found love, may they visit for a session where I will dominate her for him. I remember rose very well: she is petite, golden, a mischievous masochist / submissive with a gorgeous smile. She embraces and endures pain with so much grace, sensuality and joy that it is a true delight to witness. I am glad to hear that she has found someone who might be as talented and dedicated as herself.
Masters visit me sometimes with their submissives but in my space, I lead the dance. As in all cases, I exchange emails with both Mistress or Master and submissive (or two submissives). I thus get a feeling for both of them. This helps me either to create a Ritual around the event they wish to mark, tailor a session and/or get a sense of where mentoring could be needed, techniques improved or explored. We will define the goal(s) just before the session or the first of a series of sessions.
During this exchange, we may find areas that need addressing, D/s dynamics, logistics, confidence, balancing reality and fantasy, managing expectations, communication... They will be discussed during coaching sessions. One to one coaching or "Thinking" sessions with either partner and both. The idea is to assist the D/s (or M/s) relationship flourish and both partners feel their desires are being met. Which can prove tricky at times.
3/ Victoire and slave b: flexing and stretching
BDSM Mentoring session for a Lifestyle Dominatrix with my slave
Victoire is a remarkable Woman, she is beautiful, intelligent, intuitive, strong, caring and creative. A student of Anne O Nomis, she has been incorporating BDSM in her life ever since her husband confessed - after many years of marriage - that he is a submissive, always has been and can not repress this important part of himself anymore. Open and curious, she set out to explore how she could find “the Mistress” in herself. This led to various experiments with her husband and partner and also to the excellent course referred above. It is at the point of concluding the certificate that she contacted me for hands-on training without her husband. She plans to attend sessions here with her husband at a later stage of her training.
Attending sessions without her partner whilst exploring her Dominatrix Persona, she could freely express herself without having her more seasoned slave offering comments and directions during their play. She could also try various activities to have a feel for them on her own, without needing to “please” her beloved husband. In these sessions, I am assisted by one of my slaves who I know well. Because we trust each other, my slaves know that I will have their back whilst a novice Mistress stretches her wings. They know that I will insist on a careful awareness of where they are at any time, they know that I will enhance Nurturing, Connection, Communication and After Care.
Parallel to this, she comes for coaching / Thinking sessions to integrate the work done, to talk about how she is evolving into this nascent persona, the emotions or thoughts that might have been triggered in sessions. We explore how best she can incorporate BDSM into her life. Issues often crop up, especially in a couple who had a long vanilla relationship before switching to a BDSM lifestyle.
4/ Amelia and georg: the Renewal of vows
BDSM Ritual Ceremony
georg contacted me to arrange a special ceremony for the 20th anniversary of his marriage with his Mistress. I understood that this celebration was both a celebration and an atonement on his part.
Amelia on her side wanted to renew her commitment and show her love to her sub/husband in the way they best enjoyed. They both wanted to reconnect to the magical space of their attachment to one another. I was to hold the space, be thee Disciplinarian and the withness of this deeply moving ritual with a seasoned couple.
These sessions don't require mentoring nor do they demand coaching. I am a privileged attendant to a very intimate event.
5/ sam and sara: two submissives
BDSM session
What happens when two persons have both a thirst to submit?
There are many paths to explore for couples who desire to submit. Sara and sam have found many creative ways to explore their sexuality.
sam and sara are kinky partners. They go to events where they play with other participants and they see Mistresses. In their amorous life, sara often plays the Dominant and they visit me when sara feels like being played with whilst her partner, in some sort of predicament, watches her delighting in pain and pleasure administered by a third person.
Sara's exhibitionism and masochism as well as the impossibility to take part in what is happening nor to relieve himself due to strong bondage and forced chastity is ecstasy for sam.
Should you wish to enquire about a BDSM Couple Session, Ritual or Ceremony, send me an email at: maitressenuit@btinternet.com
If you want to know more about BDSM Mentoring and Coaching consult this page and if you are interested in either or both, contact me at nuitdor.bdsmcoaching@gmail.com
Maîtresse Nuit
All names are aliases
• The History of the Dominatrix by Anne O Nommis
• BDSM 101 by Rev. Jen is a must.
• The New Bottoming Book and its sister The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy are essential in BDSM aficionados bookshelves.
• Thinking Time or Thinking Session is how I like to call my Coaching sessions. I recommend anyone interested in D/s and intimate and authentic relationships to read this book on Listening: Time to Think by Nancy Kline.