Where Denial and Chastity contradict the instinctive habit of self gratification: a poignant account. Second Part of my slave [Y]’s journey from play androgyne to full sissy via persuasive gender exploration and chastity control.
In amongst the transformative dynamic lies another articulation of Maîtresse’s level of control, chastity and denial or control of orgasm. The primal urge for constant and numerous bouts of onanism and release is strongly integrated into the male psyche. It is after all a lifetime habit and over years it has become a focus and near daily exercise. Not just masturbation to completion but the gratification of touch, stimulation and edging that has ingrained into an intuitive yet sometimes unconscious act. At times I have self-moderated and even recognised that a compulsive rhythm of self-gratification could be less than satisfying and fatiguing. Nonetheless the when, how, how much and even where have always been self-determined. To enter the dynamic of relinquishing this control is a significant, nay alarming experience. Another level of commitment within the dynamic is realised in submitting to Maîtresse that she alone dictates the how and when of orgasm or even that touch, the sensory pleasure of skin on skin contact to raise arousal, may also be denied.
When exploring the submission of the male the inner slut has always had a presence, now with the drawing forth of the sissy avatars the slut within is tantalised by the associations of new possibilities of expressing salacious and lascivious lust. To have this previously ever present and now newly formed lust controlled opened a new realisation of D/s. Removal of the free will from the owner of a penis has significant consequences. The lock physically administered and mentally imposed both sets a boundary on freedom whilst simultaneously opening a new and potent impetus to obey.
The symbolic locking in a committed volition is supplemented by a tangible steel locking of chastity piercings or caging in an écrin (a case to keep precious jewels). The former is cerebral and profound, the latter two re-enforcements and physical aids to behavioural change. When a determined mind seeks to be distracted or conjures a rationale for a bending of submission the physical lock provides a sharp jolt to the reality of acceptance. In my locked state or the experience with a cage both are characterised by a constant reminder that sexual thoughts without free access to relief and release can both torture and with time and an openness can lead to a rejuvenated state. The conflicted arousal is now a direct association to Maîtresse. Her composed will is brought to bear with her order and her disciplines. It is often noted that chastity will focus a submissive’s attention away from himself to that of pleasing his Maîtresse. It does, it removes a significant predilection to err into distraction, obsess with the gratification of the slut and opens the possibility of a more concentrating state of mind, whilst incentivising personal improvement and the desire to give pleasure (to Maîtresse).
My period in the écrin and the chastity diary Maîtresse requested I keep documented in many ways similar experiences I had read in the reports of others using a chastity device. But no amount of reading words of a struggle matched the experience of self. The initial period of imprisonment was alien, it was trying and counter intuitive to years of conditioned freedom, I railed against it with a longing to be free with a crescendo of screaming urges to remove and smash the écrin. My awareness of the male’s predisposition to acknowledge the continuing existence of their genitalia was brought into focus as throughout a day the presence of the écrin served up a reminder of the removal of free will. Whilst I may not have reached a state of despair and with a solid commitment to obey I did at times have the thought cross my mind that perhaps my acquiescence to consensual masturbatory chastity was a mistake and that I might ask to be freed from this commitment. However I knew that even if Maîtresse had been so inclined to relent I knew my own feelings of disappointment would have been overwhelming and so that state exists with ongoing control and locking.
The écrin had other lessons; the rigour of the process and the advanced physical experience layered an even stronger connection to control. My sexual being for so long unchecked now guided by Maîtresse. Even if not required that influence felt tangible and the desire to commit with attentions and interactions increased in intensity whilst a feeling of more balance was evident. In chastity the sensualist learnt from his own body. A new appreciation that my cock wasn’t indispensable for sexual pleasure and whilst I knew the pleasures of my body without male orgasm other areas found prominence. When orgasm was granted it was not only of increased intensity but the desire to reciprocate with pleasure was heightened.
Maîtresse exerting her will via authority is an art, teasing and the implementation of orgasm denial enhances a D/s dynamic. Willingly waiving my own orgasm and gratification becomes a deep attestation of trust, commitment to and acceptance of Maîtresse’s rule. Maîtresse shows immense understanding of power, channelling the female order of the guardians of sexuality. Flexing that power by deciding on my reward with a release, teasing by leading me to a point of submissive abject desperation before deciding on whether to grant or not to grant release. If release is granted then your instruction to eat my ejaculate is an act that focuses on my submission, as a protocol it is specific and symbolic of my acceptance and transformation, it emphasises the slut is yours and my acceptance of status.
As Maîtresse has with consummate skill brought out the sissy avatars to play and express themselves so orgasm control has created golden threads within the labyrinth linking the new residents chambers with those of the male, the wolf and the slut. Controlling with sound reason and judgment my cock, erections, orgasms and my very sexual being they are all affirmed as belonging to Maîtresse. Yours to use on your terms and with your pleasure and satisfaction. This works because it nurtures, it is not a simplistic shortsighted articulation of domination, including fantasy but workable in reality.
Maîtresse understands the game of chastity is a hunt with an inevitable outcome when well conducted and almost perversely a ‘win win’ for huntress and prey.
What lies beneath by Nuit d’Or ©Nuit d’Or 2020