London & Zurich Dominatrix, Maîtresse Nuit shares some thoughts with novices who are interested in going to see a professional Mistress or Pro-Domme for the first time.
Recently, I have had an email exchange and a subsequent session with a potential new submissive novice which prompted some thoughts that I have had countless times before in similar situations.
Far from being annoyed by genuine naive requests which are common - Especially when the person requesting a session has made the effort to follow the instructions on how to contact me. And has familiarised himself with the content of my website - I am happy to listen, explain and guide. After all, I am a Maîtresse which in French means, amongst other things The One who teaches as well as the One who is self-possessed, who dominates, manages, possesses others'.
So, for the sake of example, let’s take the following scenario:
Maybe some lectures and/or internet browsing has led you to BDSM sites. The texts, images, films and websites have triggered a place in yourself where dark, kinky or fetishistic reveries float, half emerged on the sea of your conscious mind. And gradually, you may have become more and more aware of a recurring fantasy which has strong BDSM connotations.
You continue your exploration and spend more time visiting websites both of Mistresses and content. At this point, it is a virtual aphrodisiac to your sexual life. After a while ( going from days to months ) you have become attracted to several Dominatrixes or just the one wonderful Woman. You start becoming a virtual regular and visit her website often, you are obsessed with and lust over her virtual presence. Keep in mind, and this is very important, ‘La Belle Dame Sans Merci’ isn’t aware of your existence. You have this strange one-way relationship with someone who exists in the world but whom you haven’t met yet. You have a one-way relationship with your fantasy life. All is well.
At this point, you may not pay particular attention to her specific practice, domains of expertise and what she likes. You are driven by your existing urges as well as by the bubble you have created where you have integrated this Mistress to your fantasies. Pas de problème, all of this is natural, we all do it to a lesser or greater extent.
Thus, the following tends to happen: fuelled by the chimaera your imagination has created as well as the call of your desire to encounter the alluring Woman and make your dreams manifest, you compose the email requesting a session with the Mistress of your choice.
You may not realise it yet, but you are somewhat confused and confusing about what you wish to explore. ‘I am into domination Mistress’ doesn’t quite cut it.
An email exchange ensues that purports to clarify what it is exactly you think you wish versus what your fantasies are. Bear in mind, they are both important for the Mistress to hear, they are both the essential ingredients of a scene I will create with you as my actor. However, we need to unentangle them.
In order to have the best experience you can have, I do suggest that you educate yourself and try to understand what really turns you on, parallel to going on exploratory journeys on the net from which you feed your imagination before contacting a Professional Mistress or a Life Style Dominatrix.
This will prevent awkwardness in the event you find yourself confronted with a Domina who asks something of you that you were not prepared to do in reality as opposed to in your fantasy but failed to communicate because you had no way to ascertain your own feelings…
After negotiations, The Mistress of your dreams (me for the purpose of this exercise) has agreed on an appointment, you have sent the deposit, you are committed to finally jump the step into the mysterious world of BDSM. The much anticipated day arrives, the session takes place and you are either on a high or left with mixed feelings. Some things were great, others not.
Let’s take the statement above ‘I’m into Domination’ or ‘I dream of being Dominated’, ‘I dream of being degraded ’, and let’s say that you are in my Salon kneeling after I have trained you for two third of the session. I now command you to come towards me crawling like a worm. You obey with reticence because you don’t like being ‘put down’.
Now we are still in character, the session has not ended and I’m taking you to the last part of the scene that deals with verbal degradation which you have asked for in our long exchange. You see, here there has been a clash with your fantasy world and the real experience. Sometimes some sessions have glitches, but most of the time an experienced Mistress will know where she’ll take her novice and will be conscious of building rapport and trust, without which we can’t play.
In this particular example, my first thought is that you need to spend more time educating yourself: You must know in your bones that there is no dichotomy between degradation and being called a worm or being told to lick or kiss my boots even if you do not share such a Fetish. On the contrary, since you have been adamant that you wanted to be degraded, submit and be trained, this is what I am doing. Neither is this particular penchant: Domination and Degradation in contradiction with the path of ecstasy - ‘going deep’ - and having a sublime connection.
The ‘turn on’ whatever it may be - degradation, submission, fetish, CP, CBT, bondage, protocol, service, discipline, sissification, extreme play, anal play, slave and slut training or any combination of the above and much more- is what will be channelled for connection.
It is done consensually and the Dominant ’s role is to hold a safe space for her devotee, to create the scene incorporating the submissive’s fantasies in a safe, sane and consensual manner. For reputable, experienced Mistresses there is complete respect’ for the human being who is our submissive. Furthermore, you will be given safes words and sometimes signs that you must use on the spot. We are often highly intuitive but do not expect us to be mind readers.
I wish all of you dreamers will be able to learn this fact for yourself; it is a magical path. And if you choose to take it, you will respect, honour, endure and adore your Mistress for her talents, professional attitude, authority and charismatic presence.
The need to submit to an other’s will doesn’t negate the integrity and inner strength of a person, it takes a strong ego - not an egotistical one - to relax into submission. If you think you are a submissive, I suggest you read about it, go on forums - Fetlife is a good one, go to events, follow conversations, join them, ask questions. There is a community out there.
P.S: Some books I recommend:
‘‘ The New Bottoming Book “, “ Radical Ecstasy” & “The Ethical Slut” by Dossie Eaton and Janet W Hardy
“Searching for Wanda” by Elise Sutton
“The History of the Dominatrix” by Anne O Nomis
Enjoy!
‘I am yours Mistress’ by Nuit d’Or ©2019